Truth And Betrayal

I write this, because I miss my uncle Chet so freaking much. I watched the DVD tribute to him this weekend at the Martin Family Dinner. In my mind, I screamed, DONT DIE! YOU CANT DIE! CHET COME BACK! ARISE! I was hoping for a miracle that Chet would be breathe again, but nothing happened. I remember being at his gravesite bawling and hugging my aunt LuAnn. She was telling me Garrett, the line would stretch for miles for you just as much as it is for him. She kept on saying if you would've died, people all over would've been hurt. People would've been crushed. I look upon what my life has been and that's true. I'm not on here to honor myself, I'm writing this because I took Chet's spiritual influence and put it with my own. I can only wonder what it was like at the Crouse Thanksgiving Dinner. We shared their pain because we knew that we couldn't fill that spot at the Thanksgiving table. At prayer, we knew that Chet was overlooking both the Rohrer Thanksgiving Dinner and the Crouse Thanksgiving Dinner. It is so sad that Chet will never be among us on Earth, but I know that I get to see him again in heaven. I CANNOT WAIT! If Thanksgiving was this bad, I can only wait to see what Christmas holds for us. I only wish I would've had a closer spiritual relationship with my uncle Chet. But, I have that same opportunity with my dad and believe me I have taken full advantage of it. Every Monday night, I spend it with my old man. This holiday season, don't forget about those close to ya that passed on to the next life. Guess what?! They are in heaven without no more frustration, tears, sorrow, pain, agony or any depression. HALLEJUAH! PRAISE GOD! YOU ARE MY SAVIOR LORD JESUS! KING OF KINGS! LORD OF LORDS!

But, I must express the feeling of betrayal since in April, my life was turned upside down. I went from looking like I was going to be graduating to being known as the kid who threatened to bomb the school. I'm just thinking of the one person who had the opportunity to come to my face and ask me about it, but didn't. Instead, she went to a person who knew almost nothing about me. That person in return went to the police. Well, the rest is history. I just realized it for the first time since the incident that I was betrayed. I sit in disbelief, but there's nothing I can do anyway since it's in the past. But, this was preventable without having the police involved or the school involved. After all, it was only a story. Why didn't they come face to face with me? I don't know if I would be able to face that person in public again and not feel a sudden anger towards them for practically ruining my school life and tainting my image within the church. Why did you do this to me? I thought you loved me as a brother in Christ. You took my winning moment in my spiritual journey and threw it into Philhaven where I felt rejected, used, pushed aside and wondering about whether or not I made the right selection in my friends. WHY?!

Down below are the lyrics to the MercyMe song, Homesick. AWESOME SONG!

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

I will forever miss you both Uncle Chet and Kristen! My dears wait for me in heaven!

Signed,

The Freak

Currently Listening Undone By MercyMe Homesick see related

6 days till Pillar!

7 days till Norma Jean!

BOOYAH!

This time of the year is the worst for people with severe depression and bi-polar such as myself. Please pray for strength until the holidays are over with.

Also, if anybody wants to go to Hershey for the Christmas in Hershey, let me know. Or if anybody wants to spend a night doing Christmas cards, let me know. We be chillin!

Gotta love those GRITS! (I lost mine 2 yrs ago on December 10, 2003!)

ull only love me when im famous.

Band audition on Sunday till about 230!

Signed,

The Freak

SCREAM ME SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL

Currently Listening Krystal Meyers By Krystal Meyers Anticonforminity see related

Hope everyone is having an awesome thanksgiving! too much food. the toilet is gonna cry tonight! haha. well today is yet also a sober day as well as a day of thanks. today we remembered that thanksgiving will never ever be the same. my family and i lost a very important part of our lives just a couple months ago with the tragic passing of my beloved uncle, Chet. during prayer (which my dad was giving), we all started choking up and then thanksgiving lunch turned into a big tear festival. but its good to let it all go now.

Did I mention there was snow on the ground? Keyword WAS! i woke up this morning and it was all gone! all that beautiful snow GONE!

Anybody know of any alternatives to do stuff other than watching movies? LET ME KNOW!

Also to all those people who think Norma Jean and bands like that are evil, well I'm looking at lyrics from Norma Jean and The Chariot and they are making references to Christ and how you cannot hide him from ur life.

Walk around the room with a glaze in your stare.
In your tuxedo suit.
I will give it a name.
Lower your defenses.
Lower your casket.
Open the door and open your grave.
Murder.
Now you're doing the waltz with your murderer.
Mediocrity is the killer.
You find yourself helpless.
Christ is not a fashoin, fleeting away.
He laid emeralds in her eyes,
but I'd already tried a bracelt made of gold
and a scarlet thread around her wrist.
Everything was wrong so we sang sentimental songs.
"Oh how seldom we belong but how elegant our kiss."
We painted crooked lines
but danced in perfect time to a love so much refined,
we know not what it is until like a dullen wine we pour into a grief know before
but never quite like this.
All i know now is regret,
it follows like a silhouette along the cobbelstone behind us,
but has nothing to say except to innocently ask,
its voice delicate as glass,
"Do you see me when we pass?"
but i continue on my way.

~Memphis Will Be Laid To Waste by Norma Jean feat. Aaron Weiss of MeWithoutYou~

31 days till Christmas. Anybody wanna go Black Friday shopping, call me tonight 6657422?

Signed,

The Freak

Currently Listening Bless the Martyr and Kiss the Child By Norma Jean Memphis Will Be Laid To Waste see related

i cant believe this. jimmy left haste the day. he was the vocalist and frontman of that band. they were so awesome. the other times i got to see them was at purple door both this year and last year. jimmy is my inspiration when it comes to raw and uncontrolled vocals. best of luck to jimmy and the guys of haste the day.

also i have a tryout (hopefully) next week in york for a band. i hope to make a decision quickly.

u can get a quick preview of the new frontline video on www.pillarmusic.com u can also expect to see the whole video in the next coming days and if necessary weeks.

also i get to see pillar, day of fire and falling up on dec. 1st at the electric factory, then the next night, i get to go back to philly to see as i lay dying and norma jean at the torc on dec. 2nd. the most awesomest two days of the month.

whether you consider yourself a bloody rebellion or a spirit freak! (PLUZE!)

signed,

The Freak

P.S. This is how I am and there's nothing you can do to change that. Just cuz I know how to rock the mic doesn't mean you come after the throat!

dude, if this weekend could not get any better, it certainly hasnt fooled me. friday night was pretty sweet. played some serious nintendo 64 at nates. it felt good to feel old again! MARIO KART 64 & WCW/nWo REVENGE RULE! sry nate and jordan about always eliminating you guys in the battle royal. strategy always wins! it prevailed twice. then we watched perfect dark and i totally sucked! haha. props to nate, cole and simon for being totally awesome. haha.

i woke up around like 730 this morning and drove over to work at Green Hills. good grief it was so flippin cold outside. if its gonna be this cold outside, then there should be snow on the ground. theyre calling for flurries on thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after that, BOOYAH! snow has arisen and arrived!!!

work was alright. of course, there are only like two guys hired at the grocer store. on the days i work, im the only dude there. of course, i got to eat a hungry man meal that was 10 MONTHS OLD! haha. work is certainly most interesting.

came home. checked the e-mail. got two more offers to be the frontman of a band. exciting stuff. the total is now four offers. one in york, elstonville, columbia and another columbia.

also penn state beat michigan state 31-22! BOOYAH! 10-1 and Big Ten Champs! also miami lost and currently USC is losing. so add a miami loss and a usc loss and penn state will be in the national championship with texas pending on LSU and texas.

hope all is well with everybody. hope u all love the new sexy picture of me!

signed,

The Freak